by Allan Green


In 1994, I went with a beautiful brunette woman for a year.  She did her best to devastate all aspects of my life.  She had been sexually abused by her father since she was the age of eight, which caused our relationship to be like a roller coaster.  I felt her pain and saw how her abuse had affected her life.  I felt like writing him and telling him what he had done.  So I did ! But never sent it.  

The problem is, that many men don’t realize that a woman’s sexuality is her own.  It’s when they try to take it for themselves, use it, exploit it, or abuse it that the trouble begins, for the individual and for humankind.

Letter to a Big Man

Do you remember the time when your wife was away and your daughter had a nightmare and came to you for comfort in the middle of the night... and in that most vulnerable of times you let her sleep beside you and you abused her body.

You just don't do that!

Did you know to this very day she sleeps with her clothes on when she’s alone?

Such a big man!

Do you remember that toy box? Did you know the spirit of that little girl in her used to hide in there while her trust was being violated, while you took her power from her?

You just don't do that, man!

Your name is demon, your name is alcohol and drugs, your name is the demonic insecurity of a thug, not love.

Such a big man!

Did you know you can turn your princess into a prostitute or a stripper?

Did you know that if she finds her perfect mate and has a happy and functional family, that one day, when she recalls...when she comes out, that even then you can destroy her life?

Such a big man!

Do you care what you have done when her purity was taken away?

You controlled her, you forced your wife to sacrifice her, taught your children to expose and minimize her.

Now, through her succession of failed love, much of her life is spent trying to control herself and the world around her, never realizing it will never work. She hides the tender, creative, loving little girl deep inside. She says she’s protecting the child and perhaps she is, but the truth is, it’s out of insecurity and fear.

Such a big man!

You’ve brought out the negative in her.  She’d hidden the bad memories away, you see, and now they’re coming back in screaming dreams and triggers of reality.

Such a big man!

Did you know that real men despise you?  We love our daughters and know they must retain their power and trust to grow and thrive. Can you imagine the rage we feel toward you?

And if you still think you’re such a big man.

Then why does your daughter wish you were dead?

When I wrote this in 1994 I did not have the spiritual perspective I have now.  The saying unforgiveness is like drinking poison, hoping the other person will die, seems real.

No one asks a person to forget, but if you don’t forgive, the person still owns you in some way or has some small power over you.

We do have contracts with people before we are born.  How we react to events or lessons is what is important. Perhaps forgiving them as only being human can start the healing process.